Apologies for my earlier response being so negative..and thankyou for your support Tracy! It was a moment of realisation, typing what I typed - I already know that I keep things to myself because I'm scared of being a burden to others, but what I never realised until now, is that the deeper reason behind it, is not wanting to have to feel the hurt of realising that nobody cares enough about me to care how I feel anyway! I am still a big fan of journalling really, it helps me no end! We tried meditation and retreating mentally to a "safe place" in therapy....but it was a complete disaster! My only accessible "safe place" in my head is a place, that I always said that if I ever really got there, I would finally be able to relax, but then I would have to die there, as not to have to face making the return to my "real life" and all that, that holds. (I suspect that maybe I'm in a better place these days than I was when we've tried it in the past)