this is a highly charged subject for me.

this is a highly charged subject for me. I feel most bad about myself when this subject is brought up. I think I will go to my grave having never settled my fears about sex, nor coming to terms with my past. I have been working on this issue for years in therapy and I just cannot find a way to work through it. My therapist is wonderful, I don't blame her. She tries to broach the subject and then I go away. I go away a little just reading these comments. When I start talking about this in therapy my knees get weak and I feel like I want to break things. Maybe I should ask my therapist if I could break some things next session. I guess that is the anger piece. Another thing I am afraid of (and I have told my therapist this), is that if I really let myself get angry about this in therapy, then I will go completely crazy and psychotic. I am afraid of a complete and utter breakdown if I really let myself work through this.