thanks, Joanna. I am glad trudging is ok. I never heard that AA saying. I need to be honest here and admit that my problem is not only with my ED right now. I have started to slip back into some substance abuse in an attempt to numb myself a little. I know that I am on a slippery slope here. I know that I have been in very precarious situations when i have been under the influence when feeling so badly. I am scared to tell my therapist because I have worked so hard to gain her trust in my sobriety. I haven't lied to her, I just haven't been open. I have a lot to work on here and feel ashamed that I have opened myself up to potentially more problems than I already have. I think this has been one thing weighing on my mind. I feel like I am in a vicious cycle right now.