So my "drug of choice" is restricting, but I can relate to what you're saying. I've gone 49 days now without restricting, but I'm struggling with the restoration weight from treatment. My body image is really off right now. I seem to be holding onto the idea that I can have the smaller body AND all the great things I'm getting with recovery (but that's another much more positive post!). I know in my healthy mind that I can't have it both ways, but my unhealthy mind can't seem to give up the idea! I know that it isn't really about the size of my body (as I didn't have to gain too much weight), but rather I can't seem to totally let go of my ED. Something to work on with my Therapist.....there's always another layer....never a dull moment with recovery :)