PTC, Shh, Tracy, Laura R and Jan, Thank you for these wonderful sharings. Just pulling them out of your psyche and putting them into words is helpful for you and me. You want recovery. I want to help you find your recovery. At this point I believe we need to be explorers and "discover" earlier recovery steps that are neglected, ignored or invisible now. Then my job and eventually yours, is to create the right conditions so we can take those steps. The metaphor doesn't hold well because often the step you need to take has to do with being still, quiet and patient rather than taking action. If more or different obstacles to your recovery occur to you, please let me know. Thank you so much. J