Joanna...I find this a really interestin
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Joanna...I find this a really interesting topic, as I often question whether I'm "on the road to recovery"(probably), "in recovery"(prob not yet), and how I will know when I get there? In terms of the actual eating, I haven't had a "proper binge" for 5 months now, because my relationship with food has evolved into something a bit more healthy, and I have enough self-awareness now, not to let things escalate into a full blown 2000 cal binge. That doesn't mean that I have all the answers, and I definitely still have lots of work to do on an emotional/psychological level...there are times now when I still reach for food, but by the time I hit about 500 cals I'm reminding myself that no amount of food is going to satiate me and deal with whatever it is that I'm trying to get away from...and I can put the food down and take myself off to think & write down what's going on in my life & in my head, until I hit on the issues. I'm tuned in to myself now, in a way that, I know that if what I write provokes tears or any other strong emotional reaction, that it is probably the thing I need to explore and work on to stop me from keep wanting to binge. I feel like work on self-awareness & self-development will always be an ongoing thing...but I don't mind that, the enlightenment & rewards always outweigh the struggles, no matter how hard they are at the time. I feel like recovering from ED is an evolutionary process...there is never an "end" as such, but there is a point in the process whereby we can maintain a reasonably healthy relationship with food, and appreciate being able to tolerate our own emotions.