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If you suffer from an eating disorder now or have in the past, please email Joanna for a free telephone consultation.

 joanna@poppink.com

 

Eating Disorder Recovery
Joanna Poppink, MFT
Eating Disorder Recovery Psychotherapist
serving Arizona, California, Florida, Oregon and Utah.
All appointments are virtual.

 

shh...I would LOVE to spend my whole day with just me and the girls...your plan sounds absolutely WONDERFUL!  There is a lot of chaos in my family most of the time, but this year may get especially crazy.  There was an incident at my nieces wedding some weeks ago. My mom became upset because my sister's birth mother (my nieces grandmother) was asked to sit with the grandparents. My mom has always felt very upset since my sister found her birth mother about 15 years ago. This woman has been around for parties and such, but my mom was upset that my sister and niece held her to such a high honor as to place her with the "family".
My mom left after the wedding, not staying for the reception. Now she and my sister are not talking and my mom has stated that she will not go to christmas dinner, which is to be held at my sisters home this year.
I think I have probably mentioned this before, maybe not, but my mom is a very unhappy person.  She is always talking very negatively about my father when we get together. There is always fighting when I am at her home, and I rarely take the girls over there anymore as my younger daughter has asked me not to take her there. 
My mom is bitter and ugly in her conversation about him.  She has - for years- put me in the place of a professional therapist to vent her issues and offer her advice on how to fix them....I do not like talking badly about my dad to my mom, and he never talks badly about her to any of us kids. It makes me very nervous to be alone with her as the conversations turns to my dad as soon as the car door shuts. I feel so trapped in the car when this happens. It has been going on for so long, and the venting is so harsh and so negative, that last night I finally told her to just stop. I blurted out "I am not your therapist, I don't feel comfortable listening to you talk badly about my father".  I proceded to tell her that I felt she and my dad BOTH have issues and BOTH instigate the hateful fights that happen at home. Her response? "Well, all you kids do is take up for your father anyway...I have no one"...then suggested that perhaps we should "just go home" instead of going christmas shopping as we had planned. I kept calm. I told her that I just felt like I wanted to spend time with her talking about happy things, and not get so stressed everytime we go out together.  this is the very first time I have ever asked her to stop talking to me about my father. I am so glad I did.  I know I am the only child she does this to, because I have been the only one who would take the time to let her vent.
But the venting is detrimental to my health and well being. I am proud that I was able to confront her, and do so in a manner that did not wreck our relationship. I do not know how long this will last, but I hope I don't have to go through this conversation again.
So, today the topic was my younger sister whom my mom -for some reason- can't stand...sigh, it's always someone.  My mom is so unhappy and miserable with herself that she just loves to try and spread it. I told her that the kids and I would be attending christmas dinner at my sisters even if she doesnt come. She seemed to take that ok.  I think I had a fairly productive weekend getting some of these issues out of the way. I am pretty proud of myself too.  :)

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