The Narcissist’s Playbook: What One Midlife Woman’s Awakening Reveals Herself and Our World
By Joanna Poppink, MFT
Private Depth Psychotherapy for Women in Midlife and Beyond
Introduction: Midlife Woman Sees What Was Always There
Louise, a 63 year old now divorced professional woman with an active professional career, adult children and growing grandchildren, has spent a lifetime under the influence of narcissists.
She didn’t always know it. She remembered fragments—sharp criticisms, confusing praise, the constant undertow of self-doubt. But she couldn’t see the pattern clearly. Not yet.
Over time, with determination and support, she began to heal. She saw how the praise was a trap, the criticism a leash. She began to build her own life, one breath and boundary at a time. Yet even as she stepped into freedom, echoes of the past haunted her—unconscious beliefs, old fears, hidden loyalties to the very people who hurt her.
Then one day, Louise opened her phone.
Recognition on a National Scale
Her screen filled with alerts:
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Medicare and Medicaid under attack
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Public education gutted
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Free speech threatened
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Programs for hungry children slashed
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Federal agents kidnapping people from public parks, homes, and shelters—disappearing them into detention centers
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Local businesses closing, unable to survive
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Asylum seekers and refugees brutalized
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Global hunger ignored
A terrible recognition passed through her body.
This isn’t just politics. It’s personal.
These are the same tactics the narcissist used on me.
Gaslighting. Threats. Withholding care. Attacking vulnerability. Enforcing silence. Destroying hope. Hollowing out meaning.
She saw the narcissist’s playbook now operating on a national scale.
The Parallel: Personal Abuse and Public Betrayal
For those who’ve lived under narcissistic control, the tactics of authoritarianism are not abstract—they are familiar.
When you've been groomed to accept cruelty as love, and erasure as protection, it becomes easier to miss the signs in public life.
But once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
The rage rises. The body tightens. The grief comes. The betrayal feels total.
This midlife woman—like many midlife survivors—is not just reacting to headlines. She is reliving her trauma, this time reflected on the world stage.
This Midlife Woman's Rage Is Sacred
Louise feels her rage in her gut. Her throat. The base of her skull. Behind her eyes.
She feels sick. She’s exhausted. But beneath the weariness is a rising, ancient, undeniable truth:
She is furious.
And that anger is not a problem. It is a power.
Rage, when witnessed and directed, becomes moral clarity. It tells us what we will no longer tolerate—what must never be allowed again.
Therapeutic Steps Toward Healing and Action
How can Louise or any midlife woman carry this awareness—this grief, rage, and recognition—and not be crushed by it?
She must turn inward, ground herself, and choose how to live from this new level of truth.
1. Validate the Echo
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Say to yourself: “This is real. What I’m seeing—and what I’m feeling—is real.”
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You are not too sensitive. You are attuned.
2. Care for Your Body
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Drink water. Walk in nature. Breathe deeply. Nap.
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These are not escapes—they are strategic replenishment.
3. Channel the Anger
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Write. Paint. Scream. Organize. Vote. Speak.
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Let your rage fuel you toward protecting what you love.
4. Choose Your Focus
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You don’t need to fix everything. Focus on one realm where you can take meaningful action—education, hunger, civil rights, the environment, community healing.
5. Connect with Others Who See
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Find a group, a circle, a friend. Let your clarity grow stronger with others.
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Mutual witnessing transforms pain into power.
Midlife Women's Reflection Questions
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Where do I see the tactics of personal abuse echoed in public life?
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What part of me is being reawakened by what I see around me?
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What kind of world do I want to protect—and how can I begin, even in a small way, today?
You Are Not Alone
This moment of recognition is not a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough.
The woman in this story could be any one of us. She could be you.
You are not crazy. You are waking up.
You are not weak. You are responding with your full humanity.
And you are not alone.
Resources for Support and Action
Psychological Healing
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Joanna Poppink, MFT – Depth Therapy for Midlife Women
🌿 https://www.eatingdisorderrecovery.net -
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
📘 https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score
Civic Awareness and Resistance
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Protect Democracy
⚖️ https://protectdemocracy.org -
States United – The Authoritarian Playbook
📄 https://statesuniteddemocracy.org/report/the-authoritarian-playbook/ -
Gaslit Nation Podcast
🎙️ https://www.gaslitnationpod.com
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The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
🎨 https://juliacameronlive.com/the-artists-way/
Call to Action
If this story resonates with you—if you’re waking up to the pain, the patterns, and the truth—know that support is here.
I work with midlife women who are reclaiming their voice, their power, and their vision for a more just and loving world.
I'm licensed for private online psychotherapy work in CA, AZ, FL, OR.
✨ To arrange a free telephone consultation, email me:
Summary
This article explores how a midlife woman’s awakening from narcissistic abuse parallels her growing awareness of national and global injustice. As she recognizes the same manipulative tactics in politics that once controlled her personally, she experiences rage, grief, and clarity. The post offers a therapeutic arc from overwhelm to empowerment, encouraging readers to honor their anger, care for their bodies, and take focused, values-based action.
FAQ
Q: Why does the news make me feel like I’m reliving my trauma?
A: Because you are witnessing patterns—gaslighting, cruelty, control—that mimic what you once survived. Your nervous system is responding to real danger and past memory.
Q: Is anger bad for my healing?
A: No. Anger is a natural, protective emotion. When acknowledged and channeled, it becomes fuel for healthy boundaries and right action.
Q: I feel overwhelmed. How can I do anything useful?
A: Start small. Choose one area of focus. Even one aligned act—calling a representative, writing a letter, comforting a neighbor—builds strength and integrity.
Q: Can psychotherapy really help with this level of pain?
A: Yes. Depth therapy can help you understand how past trauma shapes your reactions, build resilience, and reclaim your full self so you can live with clarity and purpose.
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