Thanks Joanna you are so comforting and can really resonate with what you say- yes it always feels like am really getting there and doing well then something messes me up and I go right back down again- THAT makes me feel defeated and why try again, As I have grown - I have discovered that my setbacks seem to be that I get "overwhelmed" mainly with trying to handle too many emotions at once. As soon as I start to feel stronger and am doing well I feel good and want to do so many things, but my body and emotional self can't keep up with all the different and maybe new emotions am experiencing - Yes it feels like something is "missing" I don't have the tool...looking forward to finding it!....thanks for your support