Thanks for this Joanna, it made me cry, as I realise that 2-3 years ago, I had started to uncover the answers to a lot of these things, I felt like I was flying, and it was wonderful, but they have become either no longer practical, lost, or buried under the upheaval of divorce and adjusting to that new life - and I do need to start seeking them out again!
I'm a little bit pushed for time, so I shall write more later, but more than anything it reminded me that changing ingrained beliefs and habits takes time and perseverance, sometimes it feels impossible, but it's not. I can remember a few years back, posting on here about feeling like I was a bad, worthless person - that I could challenge it and knew on a rational level that it wasn't true, but it still didn't stop me feeling it inside, my core belief was still that I was inherently bad. I don't have those feelings anymore, my core feelings about myself are that I'm a good person and equally deserving of things as everyone else on this planet, I don't have to stop and take time out to remind myself of that, it comes naturally, and is a part of who I am.... so that shows me, that if I can change those beliefs and thought patterns, then I can change the internal people pleasing ones too - I just need to remember that it's a reiterative process, but that it will come with time.
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