Eating Disorder Recovery
Joanna Poppink, MFT
Eating Disorder Recovery Psychotherapist
serving Arizona, California, Florida, Oregon and Utah.
All appointments are virtual.


If you suffer from an eating disorder now or have in the past, please email Joanna for a free telephone consultation.

I read something somewhere that says everyone has at least 2 addictions in life, and major addiction - the one you rely on most, and a secondary one in case you aren't able to utiliise the first - and if that's true then food is my major addiction, and sex my minor one.

I have really worked on understanding the sex better, and I know now that it's triggered by feeling inadequate - as soon as I get the feeling, the urge, if it's not around ovulation time or in circumstances where most people would feel aroused, then I ask myself what it is that's making me feel inadequate, and I work out a way to deal with that and not act out sexually.

But the using food for comfort, sometimes bingeing, sometimes continuously grazing to keep myself on a level, is something I still find myself doing, and I'm not even fully aware of why, or what it is that I need comforting and relief from anymore. After a year of not turning to food at all, I find this difficult to fathom out properly, other than maybe a reaction to stress, as a way of dealing with something that says it's not okay to feel under pressure and feel stressed - not sure?

I used to get my holding from therapy and journalling, now that I'm without therapy, it's down to me to comfort less and hold more. I know if I journalled more I would probably have a better grip on my eating, but I just don'y have enough time to journal on a strictly personal level at the moment, although I do journal a few times a week as a requirement of my training, about the things that come up as a result of my training experiences.

I also really utilise the holding environment of the "process hour" at the end of a training day - a lot of people struggle with it, but I really find it useful.

I did have a recent experience of being "rescued" during process hour - which is supposed to be a strictly holding environment, and I found that I really resented it. I had spoken about something sensitive that had come up for me during the day, and felt quite tearful, and left the circle/room - I had a bit of a cry, asked myself if I was ready to go back, washed my face, dried my eyes, and before I went back to the room I said in my head the words I knew I needed to say to the group to ensure I could say them without tearing up again, and I was fine, so I returned, ready to say what I needed to say, and as soon as I returned, the group member who outwardly admits that she has a strong rescuing tendency, started to speak, and I knew she had done it to divert the attention away from me in the room, and give me some space, which was sweet, but I felt very much like..."I'm not  THAT weak, I don't need rescuing, if I wasn't ready to return and face all the eyes on me and talk about why I left, I wouldn't have returned yet", and it was a bit like she interrupted what should've been a natural flow of events

I asked her about it afterwards, whether she'd done it to rescue me, I thanked her for being sweet, and assured her that I didn't need rescuing and preferred not to be rescued.

I just wish I felt and behaved the same way in my personal life behind closed doors.

I know if I had more time, I would be able to tackle my comforting myself with food better, and I know how important it is, but I have no idea  where I can find that personal time and space from at the moment.

Who's Online

We have 561 guests and no members online