PTC, I don't want to trivialise your feelings, or how hard it is for you to allow yourself to gain weight...but maybe talk to your T about your relationship with her and how to strengthen it to a point where you feel that you can trust her to support you in facing your fears and the loss of control associated with gaining. If you are totally honest with her, she will cradle you and your emotions as you embark upon this, and slowly, ever so gently, let you go gradually and guide you to a place where gaining isn't quite as scary. I know it feels as though people are asking the impossible from you - but you can do it! (((hugs)))