Kym...I actually got a bit choked up reading your post, it sounds like you are doing brilliantly, especially in the face of adversity. I don't know whether Joanna would agree, but I think "normal" humans probably do cry themselves to sleep from time to time, and as long as it's not happening regularly I think it's okay....sometimes, in certain situations, there is nothing else to do but cry...but crying is a sign that you are allowing yourself to acknowledge how you truly feel, even though you may not know how to deal with things...which is such a positive thing! This might be totally out of place and irrelevent, but I have found that facing up to my ED has made me reflect on the events of the past and say that I might not have dealt with things very well at the time, but I am still here to tell the tale...and so I know now, that I might not like what life throws at me, and I might not handle it well, but I will get through it, and I will survive! YOU are a SURVIVOR too Kym, I hope you can help yourself to see that, and I really hope that you manage to deal with whatever is happening and work and get back to a more comfortable place in your life. xx