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If you suffer from an eating disorder now or have in the past, please email Joanna for a free telephone consultation.

 joanna@poppink.com

 

Eating Disorder Recovery
Joanna Poppink, MFT
Eating Disorder Recovery Psychotherapist
serving Arizona, California, Florida, Oregon and Utah.
All appointments are virtual.

 

I think everyone on this thread is doing their best mothering.  I think we all bring baggage to our relationships with everyone we encounter, our kids notwithstanding. I know that, despite the fact I am struggling with my daughter, I am doing the best I can.  I am admitting that I don't have all the answers and that I need help sometimes.

I too, notice that at times I can bring my mother's way of parenting into my ways.  That is completely normal.  I catch myself and try to do better. I think that is a major accomplishment that many people can't do...that is why abuse perpetuates through the generations. I do love my kids no matter what they do.

I also want my kids to develop their own personalities. It's fun to see the little adults emerging through their everyday lives.  We have ventured off the topic of dread somewhat here, but I feel that something needs to be cleared up a little.

I want to first say that when we comment on how we raise our children, we should make note that everyone on this site has thier own unique way of parenting. I may parent my children differently than someone else, but this does not mean I do not love or deeply care for my kids. It doesnt mean my kids are going to end up psychologically damaged.  I do expect respect from my children. Respect does not equal abuse or bondage. It is a form of power, yes, but children need healthy direction and guidance to navigate through life safely. 

The type of respect that I want from my kids enables me to keep them safe because I know that they trust me to lead them. When a parent is not respected, it is as if the child is saying we are on equal playing fields. But see, we cant be. The reason? As adults we know more, we have experienced more, we have been thru more. Some parents abuse this power, yes, and that is a horrible thing to have to grow up with and would make a person more likely to stay as far away from that form of parenting as possible. 

Good parents are not perfect parents, but they are able to help steer their children out of danger and into the right direction. If I did not desire respect from my kids, it would be like saying "go ahead, chart your own course...good luck..hope you make it"....I don't think anyone here does that AT ALL. I think we just call it different things. I respect my kids as well, and I try to allow them to develop their own uniqueness.  Do I give them advice? Sure I do. Again, I don't feel this is a bad thing.

Incidently, I still hold respect for my parents. They will always be older than me..they will always beat me to life experiences I have not yet had.  I still look to them for advice, but I filter it to taylor my parenting style.  I could be way off base for feeling like I needed to write this, but I feel better doing so. 

I love you all.



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