Firstly I would like to express my gratitude for HHH in particular how the chapters fall into perfect place at the right time. Having recently read "spiritual depth" I was in awe how this is where I needed to be. Then as I moved on to the next chapter it was The Great Terror- oh boy, am there but read it with much relief as to what is really going on right now- There is such truth in this- It feels like have lost myself completely and desperately seeking to try and get something familiar back. Instead I tried to stay present hoping it will pass. It's quite difficult to face the reality of what is really happening here. What I do recognise and see clearly though is whilst I see have not resorted to my best ED behaviours I also see how vulnerable this makes me feel - what to do with these urges - am proud of the recognition, but also interested in the fact if this is taking me back to a point when the ED started it really is healing an old wound. I have no desire to eat, don't feel like it just nothing there - Please bear with me when I said I havent resorted to my past ED beahviours, this means Throwing up etc. What is happening here is something different, if I go with the book and its guidance it says we are healing a time in the past when this started and that for me was when I stopped eating..... There was nobody to feed me, my mum didnt come home to feed me so I just didnt eat. Now the difference is I want to eat +know I need to and this is just a healing phase -Am I making sense here? feels right to me and how am feeling. So how to nourish this part of me ? I have no fairytale books at my disposal right now, but I am currently working in a hotel which is full of children and families and I watch their innocence and loving caring families and that makes me feel sad!! - Right now I would love to get back some sense of self which the book tells me will come, so I will stay with this terror accepting its there and allow it to pass, unless anyone has any other suggestions?!! +wish me luck please!