Dear Tracy, Thank you for sharing this window into your life with an eating disorder. Are you trying to recovery on your own? I hope you are working with a therapist who understands eating disorders. You know by now that all the promises, attempts at will power, presents and vows do not stop eating disorder behavior. The issue is not about stopping. It's about healing. And for mothers, as you so movingly say, it's about stopping the legacy so your children do not develop an eating disorder. I hope you find yourself a good therapist who can help you. Until then, please look at my book, Healing Your Hungry Heart. I wrote it specifically with the adult woman in mind. So I wrote it for you. If you read it and spend at least one week on a chapter, doing the exercises every day, you will begin to find your recovery path. Please let me know how you are doing.