Nice to hear your descriptions of Ireland. The air, especially in the Aran Islands, was more light and fresh than I've ever experienced anywhere.
Sounds like you are in the midst of a challenging time that is reaching overwhelm proportions. Such a situation can numb you to your deep and authentic feelings. Survival mode is a place where you can go on automatic, ignoring through oblivion what's important to you as a human being. Survival comes first. But, in such a situation, clutter can build.
I suggest, as you've probably already thought of, that you take small, even tiny clutter cleanse steps. Clutter, which includes unecessary stuff, thoughts and people, can block you from feeling who you are and that can be a kind of self protection. That's why it's difficult to start clearing.
But it's a false protection that only blocks you from your real life.
If you get overwhelmed quickly then make your clearing steps smaller. Don't do a whole closet. Do one drawer. Or do even less. Stop before you get near overwhelm.
One technique is to get a bag and give yourself a number, for example, eight. Then fill the bag with eight things you will throw away or donate to a Thrift Shop. That's it. If you do this on a regular basis, gradually you lighten your environment and your emotional state.
Little by little gets you there.
Thank you for writing, Jackie. I'm glad to know you are actively working toward a better life.