Emotional Holding in Depth Psychotherapy

Emotional Holding and Inner Strength

Depth Psychotherapy: Understanding Emotional Holding

In the realm of depth psychotherapy, the emotional holding often leads us to necessary discomfort. This may sound counterintuitive—especially in a culture obsessed with quick relief and emotional "fixes." Nevertheless, if we hope to truly recover from eating disorders, trauma, or long-standing emotional pain, we need to understand a crucial distinction: the difference between comfort and holding.

Both have value. However, each serves different purposes—and only one supports lasting transformation.

Recovery Requires Feeling What We'd Rather Not Feel

Recovery isn't a straight line toward peace and wellness. On the contrary, it often involves confronting the very emotions we've long avoided. Naturally, this can be overwhelming. When pain surfaces, it's tempting to escape—perhaps through bingeing, restricting, compulsive exercise, or emotionally numbing behaviors.

Yet, depth psychotherapy asks us to do something radically different: to stay with the feeling without acting out. At this point, the concepts of comfort and holding become essential.

What Is Comfort in Depth Psychotherapy Work?

Comfort offers relief. It softens the intensity of your feelings, occasionally transforming them into something more manageable or distracting you entirely.

For example:

A friend offers kind words and sympathy.
You binge-watch a familiar show.
You talk endlessly about your pain but never sit with it.
You reach for romance, fantasy, or food.

These actions don't harm the way your eating disorder or other destructive patterns might. Therefore, comfort has a place. It can give you a break from emotional strain, temporarily buying time and space when you're overwhelmed.

Still, comfort is not healing. It's a pause button—not a path forward. Relying too heavily on comfort may breed dependency. We may confuse soothing attention with intimacy, or temporary relief with progress. As a result, comfort alone can keep us stuck and fearful that we cannot escape from time-consuming behaviors that accomplish less over time.

After comfort, you feel temporary relief—but soon return to the same painful emotional terrain.

What Is Emotional Holding in Depth Psychotherapy Work?

Holding is the emotional and psychological containment that allows you to feel without falling apart. It creates a safe space—internally and relationally—so that you can stay with difficult emotions long enough to understand and metabolize them.

Examples of holding include:

A therapist who remains steady and calm while you rage or cry.
A journaling practice where you stay with the truth of your feelings.
A support group that listens without trying to fix or distract you.
A friend who witnesses your pain with presence but without rescue.

Unlike comfort, holding doesn't soothe us out of pain. It doesn't distract, fix, or diminish our emotional intensity. Instead, it anchors us so we can ride the wave of feeling and survive it—perhaps even transform through it.

After holding and learning, we can bear our own feelings. We feel a little stronger, more grounded, and more capable. And we know we are not kidding ourselves. We have real evidence from our own experience. We bore our own experience.

How Depth Psychotherapy Provides Emotional Holding

In depth psychotherapy, the therapeutic relationship itself becomes a container—a living vessel—for holding. Our therapist doesn't rescue us or give us answers to our life questions. Rather, they help us bear what once felt unbearable, allowing us to reflect and slowly develop emotional tolerance and insight.

Over time, as we are consistently held rather than comforted, we discover:

We can endure deep emotional pain without regressing into old patterns.
Our emotional truth has meaning and can be worked through.
We have resources within us we didn't know existed.

This is the alchemy of depth work. It's not about relief; it's about transformation.

Can We Use Both Comfort and Emotional Holding?

Yes, and in fact, we must.

There are moments when emotional intensity is too much. We may need a small degree of comfort—just enough to stay afloat. A warm bath, a movie, a kind word, a walk around the block, or even a distraction can help us avoid flooding.

Nonetheless, the goal is to return to the holding space as soon as we're able. That's where the real work happens. That's where the inner scaffolding of recovery is built.

With consistent effort, our tolerance for holding grows, and our reliance on comfort naturally decreases.

Journaling: A Bridge Between Comfort and Emotional Holding

Journaling offers a unique dual role. Initially, it may feel like a comfort—a safe outlet to release emotions. But over time, it becomes a form of holding.

As we return to the page, again and again, we begin to witness our inner experience with steadiness. We see patterns. We feel the waves but don't collapse under them. We learn to dialogue with ourselves on the page. We discover different or new perspectives. We move beyond raw emotion and numbness. Gradually, the page becomes a steady container that reflects our truth—and our growth.

How to Tell the Difference Between Comfort and Emotional Holding

After Comfort	After Holding
Temporary relief	Increased strength
Feel dependent	Feel more capable
Emotional avoidance	Emotional processing
Need others to soothe	Trust yourself more

To clarify your experience, ask yourself these questions:

What soothes me, but leaves me unchanged?
What helps me stay present with my emotions?
What actions deepen my understanding of myself?
What support encourages me to grow?

Summary of Emotional Holding Principles

Comfort gives us a break. On the other hand, holding provides us with the strength to face what's hard. In depth psychotherapy, we prioritize holding because it leads to insight, resilience, and genuine healing. At the same time, in moments of overwhelm, comfort can provide a temporary shelter. Used wisely, both serve your recovery.

Ultimately, as we become more familiar with our emotional landscape, we learn to choose what we need—and when—to do so more wisely. Most importantly, we learn to trust that we can face our truth without retreating. We can hold onto who we are and be sturdy and brave as we make thought-out choices.

FAQ

Q: Is it wrong to seek comfort during recovery?
No. Comfort is necessary at times, especially when emotional distress becomes overwhelming. It's only a problem when comfort becomes a substitute for doing the deeper work.

Q: How does a therapist provide holding?
A depth psychotherapist provides holding through emotional presence, steady attunement, and not interrupting your process with quick solutions. They help us stay with what is and explore it safely.

Q: Can friends provide holding?
Sometimes, but it isn't easy. Holding without trying to comfort or fix can strain a friendship. Therapists and therapy groups are more reliable sources for consistent holding.

Q: What if I mistake comfort for healing?
This is common. Over time, we notice the difference. Comfort leaves us unchanged. Holding leaves us stronger.

Q: How can journaling help?
Journaling can begin as comfort and become a holding space as we return regularly and stay with our feelings. It offers structure and containment for emotional expression and insight. Once we start dialoguing with what we write, we accelerate our understanding, strength, healing, and growth.

Resources

Why Dictators Fear Depth Psychotherapy – Insight into psychological autonomy and holding https://www.eatingdisorderrecovery.net/psychotherapy-and-recovery-work/why-dictators-fear-depth-psychotherapy

Addiction to Perfection by Marion Woodman –https://www.amazon.com/Addiction-Perfection-Studies-Jungian-Psychology/dp/0919123112

How Journaling Can Help You in Hard Times by Kira M. Newman - https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_journaling_can_help_you_in_hard_times

The Trauma Therapist by Guy Crawfod Macpherson - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-trauma-therapist/id899009517