Tips on drawing boundaries in eating disorder recovery

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Category: Self-Help

Fundamental to eating disorder recovery is the ability to say, "No." Saying, "No," draws a boundary.

On momeo.com I see an article by Carla Young, "Momentum Monday: Do You Find It Tough to Say “No”? Answers to Common Boundary Challenges.  She covers realistic boundary challenges that occur in the life of a professional person and how to deal with them. 

Read what Carla has to say and see how these challenges match up with your ability to set the boundaries you need for recovery and for your life.

Boundaries relate to your choices about:

1. quantities and types of food you eat
2. how you portion your time
3. where you place your energy
4. how you structure your day
5. how much you do for yourself
6. how much you do for others

In other words, the ability to say and honor your genuine, "No," allows you to live the life you choose. It gives you choice where you believeyou may have none.  It allows you to freely give your authentic, "Yes."

Can you think of areas in your life where it's difficult or impossible for you to say, "No"?

Journal about them. Share them here.

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Comments  

0 # It's so funny you should write about thi — lori 2011-06-07 05:30

It's so funny you should write about this now. I just sent my therapist an email about this. I am just getting to the point where I am learning to eat when and what I want and spend time doing what I feel is important at the moment. And I am learning to do it without a rigid structure, and most importantly for me, I am trying to do it without internal criticism for my choices.

0 # Dear Lori, Sounds like you are on a p — pinkjoanna 2011-06-07 22:08

Dear Lori,

Sounds like you are on a positive track. Let me throw something in here.

The internal critic is part of your psyche too. You don't want the internal critic brutalizing you with harsh judgments. At the same time, to attempt to ignore your internal criticism can take the form of you being harsh to an aspect of yourself.

I prefer to acknowledge the internal criticism, even thank the criticism for giving an opinion, and then follow the plan you've created that is best for you.

Thich Nhat Hahn talks about this in his charming way. He says, "Hello my little anger."

But he doesn't give it power. So consider being kind and considerate to your inner critic. That doesn't mean you have to be obedient. It's a "thank you for sharing," situation.

0 # problem is, i don't even know when i fee — Mary Louise Stewart 2011-06-21 05:46

problem is, i don't even know when i feel like saying yes and when instead it's time for a no. so i either say yes all the time or just run away and avoid all contacts. dealing with feelings, that's my constant struggle. i'm trying to work on this, but it's so hard and frustrating.

0 # Mary, you sound so much like me! I ke — shh 2011-06-21 16:24

Mary, you sound so much like me!

I keep saying yes until I've taken on so much that I can't cope and then I want to run away and hide, but I can't run away because I can't let people down, so instead I get stressed out, ineffective at doing the things I've taken on, and end up bolstering myself up with food, as a temporary relief from the stress.

I know it's something I need to tackle, and I am very slowly learning not to just say yes to everything to please people

0 # Mary and Shh, A way to begin to learn — pinkjoanna 2011-06-21 19:28

Mary and Shh,

A way to begin to learn whether you truly want to say no or yes is to give yourself the gift of time.

Giving yourself time is not running away. It's giving yourself the time and space to explore your thoughts and feelings without pressure and in freedom.

"May I let you know tomorrow (or next week)?
"What an interesting project. I'll give it some serious thought."
"Let me sleep on it."
"Let me give this idea the time it deserves."

You get the idea. Even if a project seems simple or easy, give yourself time to consider it before you make a commitment. It's practice in claiming your own mind and your own choices.

It also teaches others that you are not as easy yes and you actually consider carefully before you make decisions.

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