Lots More on Building Your Self-Esteem


Paul_Salvator_Goldengruen3B_Der_Maler-FC3BCrst Self-esteem is the bedrock from which you see the world, feel your responses, make decisions and take action. Here are 13 more tips to building your self-esteem.


Eating disorders often fill in the psychological gaps that occur because of low self-esteem. Fill those gaps with a sense of genuine self-value and you weaken the strength and need for your eating disorder.


If your self-esteem is low you may grovel, go into people pleasing mode or isolate.  You may get bossy or arumentative with a strong need to control to compensate for your poor estimation of yourself.

If your self-esteem is positive and solid you meet others with confidence. You voice your position based on your authentic values and your judgment about the appropriateness of the occasion.  You listen to others, confident that you can hear what they say without losing your own thoughts yet are willing to consider a different perspective. Positive self-esteem gives you resiliency in your relationships.

13 Steps to Building Your Self-Esteem

1.    Arrange to hear your favorite song or type of music at least once a day.


2.    Praise yourself for troublesome actions you didn't take.


3.    Notice acts of kindness on the part of others. Give them a nod or a thumbs up or a smile.


4.     Provide nourishment for your talents or wished for talents. Give yourself time to sketch, paint, write, dance, sing. Take a class for the fun of it.


5.     Do something nice for your neighbor. Give a compliment in person.  Drop off an appreciation card. If you have an abundance of something, give them a gift of the extra. I

sometimes find a bag of lemons or mandarin oranges at my front door from my neighbors with these vigorous trees. It's a lovely way to share and build not only self-esteem but also warm relationships.


6.     Visit your childhood home. Look at your neighborhood with the adult eyes you have now.  If your first home is far away, see if you can find it on google maps.  You might  

get lucky.   I did and even found a little passageway between two houses where my friends and I played scientist with rocks and mica on stone steps.


7.     Practice accepting compliments.  When someone admires something you have, do, wear or something about you, smile and say, "Thank you."  That's all.


8.     Let someone, including a child, teach you something.


9.     Create a special candlelight dinner for a friend, adult or child, to honor them. It doesn't have to be a big occasion.  Maybe it's a special dinner with candles and pretty  

napkins because you are glad that person is in your life and you want the to know how happy you are about that.


10.    Keep a journal or calendar where you plan ahead.  Include written reminders so you know what's coming and you can be prepared and ready.


11.    Make your mornings as calm and simple as possible.  Start your day with serenity.  This is a major challenge in our culture.  You can reduce morning chaos by planning          ahead.  What could work for you?  Lay out clothes the night before. Have work materials stored neatly in a "work storage" place so you can just pick it up as you leave.          Make lunch ahead and store it in the refrigerator. Look at what makes morning stressful and see what you can do the day before to ease that critical morning time.


12.     Don't treat friends or adult family better than you treat yourself. And don't treat them better than you treat your child.


13.     Pattern breaking #13.  Teach yourself the same lessons we are teaching children in this society about "good touch" and "bad touch."  Learn the difference for you. If you experience a "bad touch" or a "bad feeling" around any kind of touch (from anyone) get yourself out of that situation.


What self-esteem building practices might be just the thing for you now?


*English: The Painter Prince by Paul Ricken



0 # I have one: I know I need my private/dowKymL 2012-05-25 13:18
I have one: I know I need my private/down time and I've learned to honor that by closing my office door during my lunch brek, saying no to things that rob all my free time, and I arrange "dates" with myself. Sometimes they are "cry dates; "sometimes they are "celebration dates," and sometimes I only seek some quiet time. Society, and my job, reward and expect us to be social and out-going, and it feels good to accept and honor the fact that that's just not me.
0 # Thank you, Kym. I'll add your suggestionpinkjoanna 2012-05-25 15:24
Thank you, Kym. I'll add your suggestion to my next installment of self-esteem building tools.

Closing a door can be a big "yes" to yourself.

Nice to see you on my site again. How are you? I get the feeling from your suggestion that you are doing well. :-)
0 # I'm doing really well. I contribute a lKymL 2012-05-25 15:47
I'm doing really well. I contribute a lot of it to a better self-esteem!! I'm learning to love who I am instead of trying to be someone else. It's been a hard struggle and a lot of work, but it sooooo worth it!! I remember thinking the small steps like the suggestions you give were corney and wouldn't work, but the small steps develop into bigger steps and once you start to see the difference, it's easier and I can't imagine not doing positive things for myself again! Self discovery and self love seems to be a little "addictive" for me right a good way!!!!!
0 # Brava, Kym. I'm so happy for you. I hopinkjoanna 2012-05-25 18:35
Brava, Kym. I'm so happy for you. I hope you'll still check in on my site. I'm glad to hear from you. Plus, I think others will benefit from knowing about your progress. Three cheers for self discovery and self love!
0 # keeping a calendar of events is somethinmylifex2 2012-05-25 19:16
keeping a calendar of events is something I have had to start doing. I tend to think I can remember everything I need to do....but when you show up for work on a day you had taken off to "rest", you know you need to become more organized. I have so much going on between my two kids and myself that it's imperative that I keep better track of things...I had begun double booking myself and this is not good! I didn't think of this as a self -esteem building practice...but it does make me feel less stressed. So I guess in the end, it does make me feel better about myself to be more organized.
0 # Hi Tracy, A calendar of events can bepinkjoanna 2012-05-25 21:21
Hi Tracy,

A calendar of events can be your best friend! I'm glad you are bringing one into your life.

When you discover that you have the power to create a less stressful existence, be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day or an hour or a few minutes and start seeing positive results because you are more effective your self-esteem builds.

Thank you for talking about this!

You earn your self-esteem through effectve actions. Adding more organization helps make these effective actions more possible.
0 # being realistic about what can be accomptracy 2012-05-26 07:14
being realistic about what can be accomplished is a huge challenge because reality hits me in the face. There seems to be so much on my calendar...and these are things that are musts...having two children with karate, gymnastics, swimming, soccer and my stuff with my therapist, trying to fit in the gym, a 40 hour work week, dentist appointments, check ups, weekly occupational therapy for my little one, neurology appointments......whew....single mom...(oh yeah, forgot that one lol) my challenge is sorting it all out and not double booking or hitting into my work day too much...finding time in all this to clean my house would really, really help my self esteem! :-)
0 # Ah, Tracy,When you keep a calendar ypinkjoanna 2012-05-26 10:26
Ah, Tracy, When you keep a calendar you are confronted almost immediately with reality. The pain and shock that comes from exploding magical thinking to bits can be staggering. But it's a wonderful experience for your life and the lives of people around you. Magical thinking is a big part of pre-recovery thinking. You don't recognize it because you believe it. But....a calendar will show you reality. It will show you your limits. It will show you what you really can do. And it will inspire you to streamline, be more efficient. It will also show you the real cost of the time you spend engaged in unhealthy thinking and unhealthy activities. All of this, when met with determination and courage - even when you are dismayed, tired and have temporary lapses - builds your self-esteem. I should probably rewrite this post for a blog entry. It's the right accompaniment to the self-esteem building. Agree?
0 # but I don't think the things I wrote thamylifex2 2012-05-26 12:08
but I don't think the things I wrote that I do are unhealthy...I mean, the things on my calendar for my children are activities that keep them happy and healthy. Doctors appointments are a must. Therapy is a must. Working is a must. Or do you mean that outside of all of these obligations and healthy musts I will see all of the "trash" I collect with my unhealthy habits that take up unnecessary space on my calendar????...ok..i think i just got it...just had to write it out...did I get it?
0 # I think you got it. The "things" on youpinkjoanna 2012-05-26 12:19
I think you got it. The "things" on your calendar can all be wonderful. Thinking that you can actually do them all can be influenced by magical thinking.

A realistic appraisal of your energy and time will influence what you put on your calendar. Often, thinking about tasks will narrow your beliefs about how much time and energy each will consume. You may have three or ten things on your list and accomplish one or two.

Or you may make staggering moves toward doing a little of all of them without a plan and accomplish nothing.

You will feel badly about yourself if you do this.

So, the learning has to do with realistic appraisal of what you can accomplish. That leads to streamlining and efficiency considerations. That leads to a realistic appraisal of your priorities. That leads to a rethinking of your priorities.

As children grow some priorities change (except of course, the biggies - health, safety, security, abundance of love and encouragement).

As you grow, priorities changes too. It's a challenge to keep up with your own development as well as the development of your children.

Unhealthy habits do not get written down on calendars. I've never seen or heard of a person with an eating disorder putting binge time or purge time in an appointment book. :-) Other unhealthy behaviors may not be so blatant, but they all take up your time and energy. And that means something else more valuable gets short changed.

More clear? Or did I muddy the water?
0 # there are some things I do "have" to do.mylifex2 2012-05-26 14:26
there are some things I do "have" to do. I can't overlook my child's OT, my therapy, gymnastics and karate for the girls, my job...neurology, check up and dental appointments. However, I HAVE begun to "streamline" my calendar. I put my kids and their needs, and my "healthy" needs more ahead of, for say, excessive gym time, or time counting calories and keeping food journals obsessively. So in that respect, I have more time for the obiligations I have for myself and my kids that do center around the "biggies". I can't believe I only go to the gym once or twice a week now...if that. I was going so much I was constantly injuring and re-injuring joints. I am taking a healthy break from this and instead we go swimming in our pool as a family...something we do together. No, you didn't muddy the water at all. I actually have gained some insight into how much I have improved and recovered by writing these past two days. :-)

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