Hidden Feelings


What are your feelings - the ones your eating disorder numbs out or buries with obsessive thinking and compulsive eating?  How on earth is it possible to answer such a question without bringing up feelings you can't bear?


I'm at a writers' conference in Taos, NM, cultivating my creativity and opening mysef to what my psyche wants to write next.  At this stage I'm not sure if it's a novel, a self help book, a series of essays or a probe into something that has long interested me.  This is quite a range.  It's extensive because I'm not going to decide what comes next.  I'm going to discover what comes next.


This process got me to thinking about you and how you might discover what's within you, layers beneath the life determined by your eating disorder.


I suggest you expore the stories within myths of different cultures and times.  They are fun to read.  They are non threatening.  They are more acceptable to your unconscious than any kind of rules or regulations and certainly more acceptable than any diet program.


Karen Armstrong, author of A Short History of Myth, writes, "Myths are uiversal and timeless stories that reflect and shape our lives -- they explore our desires, our fears, our longings, and provide narratives that remind us what it means to be human."


If you have an eating disorder, you dull your own humanity and need to be reminded of "what it means to be human."  I recommend that you read her book and also books by:

Chinua Achebe, Margaret Atwood, AS Byatt, David Grossman, Milton Hatoum, Vicor Pelevin, Donna Tartt, Su Tong and Jeanette Winterson.


Read them at your leisure.  Journal on passages meaningful to you.  Open your mind and heart to what you can discover. And by all means, enjoy yourself.


0 # Welcome back!! Missed your posts. I dPTC 2010-07-13 15:34
Welcome back!! Missed your posts.

I don't think I have any feelings. Well, I'm good at feeling angry.
0 # Thank you for the welcome. I've been onpinkjoanna 2010-07-13 16:45
Thank you for the welcome. I've been on vacation, and still not back all the way.

Anger is a feeling. If you are feeling it you are not blocking it. That's good news!

warm regards,

0 # Yes, I'm good at feeling anger. I hopPTC 2010-07-13 19:30
Yes, I'm good at feeling anger.

I hope you're enjoying NM.
0 # I wonder what would happen if you wrotepinkjoanna 2010-07-14 06:24
I wonder what would happen if you wrote out your anger. You might find other feelings below the level of anger. Worth a try?

Taos, New Mexico right now is gorgeous. Vast skies with an ever changing show of magnificent clouds. Cool nights and coolish early mornings. Afternoons are hot, especially if there is no shade. (I wear a huuuuuuge sun hat.) Air is fresh and clean. Altitude takes getting used to, but I'm finding my way.

0 # Sounds beautiful! It's been hot and humPTC 2010-07-14 11:31
Sounds beautiful! It's been hot and humid here on the East coast. I LOVE it though. The hotter the better. My car thermometer read 106 last week. Today it's cloudy and rainy in NYC, but still very muggy. Getting ready to play some field hockey tonight and sweat up a storm!

I really just want a punching bag so I can punch things when I'm angry. I think that would be very helpful, and a good workout too. :-)

I do write out my anger on my blog usually. I don't think it helps.
0 # We actually had rolling thunder and aboupinkjoanna 2010-07-14 15:10
We actually had rolling thunder and about a half an hour of light rain - a treat when coming from Los Angeles. I do miss east coast thunder storms.

Okay, writing out your anger is great. It's a step. Another step is to read what you've written at least a month or more later. Go back as far as you can to the earliest writings you have and start reading. You can find some real recovery power there.
0 # Ugh, it makes me cringe to read my old sPTC 2010-07-14 18:35
Ugh, it makes me cringe to read my old stuff. I used to have to keep an "FFJ" (Food and feelings journal) and I sometimes go back and read the comments my T wrote in it, but usually not what I've written.

Sun popped out this evening and it was beautiful.
0 # I'm working on getting re-connected to mKymL 2010-07-15 19:45
I'm working on getting re-connected to my feelings. I'm so disconnected that when I feel "distress", all I can do is cry because I don't know what I'm feeling. Then I try to "think" what I'm feeling (what should I be feeling?; what would other say they are feeling?).....I'm a "think-alholic". I'm working on feeling before I think, and it's hard!! My counselor has me ID'ing where in my body I sense it first as a way to connect to it. I carry my "Feelings Wheel" because I never know when something is going to come up. I've had some successes and it's been great! I've learned that restricting numbed me from bad feelings, but it also numbed me from the good ones!! Of course, ID'ing those has been easier!
0 # Dear Kym, You are making great progrepinkjoanna 2010-07-15 21:59
Dear Kym,

You are making great progress. Here's a point for you to consider. Anything you feel, and I mean anything, is what a human can feel. Somewhere an artist has painted it or a sculptor has sculpted it or an author has written it.

Go to the classics in books, go to museums and be alert for when an artist expresses what is in you. You'll recognize it when you meet it.
This can be so very helpful in not only identifying your feelings but also accepting your own humanity.

Thank you for writing! Hope to hear from you again.


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