TOPIC: Cold Turkey

Cold Turkey 6 years 3 months ago #727

Something clicked on Monday afternoon, and after a long relapse, I've suddenly, almost magically, jumped back on the waggon...but boy am I feeling it!

I am motivated and excited, yet ridiculously emotional and can't seem to stop crying today, every little thing starts me off...I guess this is the cold turkey bit! I've been self-medicating with food for so long to maintain a numbness that I wasn't even aware of, that after 2 days of eating well, it's like all hell has let loose on the emotional front.

Unfortunately you don't just unlock the boingy, happy, motivated self, you unlock the hurt, low, angry side too. When I cry it's like I'm grieving, I can't talk without crying, and it's that stomach churning, gut wrenching feeling, the one you get when something really emotionally painful happens and you're hurting like crazy. I know this stuff needs to get out, I've been journaling quite a bit, and being quite introspective and reflective.

I think things have been building to here, I have noticed that in the last 6 weeks or so I'd started taking a bit of control and reaching out to others for help and advice about a few things, I'd started being a bit more sociable too, and I think seeing my old therapist was really the final thing - it made me realise that whilst most of what I got out of therapy is still in tact, things like knowing I'm not worthless and that I do have value, but I had lost something, my "spark", the spark that moves life from existing in quite a happy & content way, to "really living" in a more fulfilling, energised, exciting way.

I think if I'm honest, so much has happened in the last year or so, that whilst I was so busy up until last November, it was keeping me distracted from how I really felt, but now that I have more free time, instead of being able to just get myself back into recovery as I thought I would, it's like I've been kind of crushed by the weight of it all as it has all seeped out.

Anyway, that enough waffle from me! Whilst I don't like the emotional impact of this "cold turkey" phase, I am loving starting to get my spark and motivation back!
  • shh
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Cold Turkey 6 years 2 months ago #729

Sorry I haven't been checking this site much. Shh, I hope everything is going OK! I hope your spark turns into a full fire!!
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"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming." Dorian~Finding Nemo

You don't need to have it all figured out before moving forward!
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