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TOPIC: In a "Funk"

In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #537

So I've been in a funk mood the last two weeks. I've tried to just pull myself out of it but it seems to want to stick around. I've tried to think of what's going on in my life that maybe I need to pay better attention to, and up until my couples counseling today, I thought I had figured some reasons. First, I wore myself out physically at White Belt so my body needs to mend. I also ran out of my liquid Kelp for my thyroid the last day of white belt and the company is out of stock so I'm using a different form of Kelp and maybe my body doesn't like it. Then there's all the news about the supreme court and DOMA. Although I don't watch TV (thank goodness or it would be worse), there is talk all over about the GLBT community and I really can only take so many negative opinions at one time! I'm strong but the little comments and attacks start to add up! The support I'm seeing is helping, but the negative is also taking it's toll.

Then today at my couples counseling I mentioned that I said good-bye to my RD last week and that I have one more T appointment and she mentioned that even if I and my T know it's time, there is a natural grieving process. I noticed the last two morning I've had more ED thoughts coming into my head and I wondered if maybe part of me is scared of being done with this phase of recovery so ED is tempting me into a way to stay with my T. Staying strong, but I've had some hard times eating and it's been a long time since that's happened.

So maybe I have good reasons for feeling this way; don't like it but I guess that's part of recovery....feeling it all! Having to remind myself that it's worth it.
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #538

Hi Kym - I wanted to let you know that I saw your post and that I'm thinking about you. It sounds like you have a double whamey of both physical and emotional healing and processing going on. It does sound like you have good reasons to be struggling and I can see why you wouldn't be liking it. I've been following the DOMA related news and have been horrified at some of the things I'm hearing. I am proud of you for staying strong.

I have not been writing lately because I'm in my own little funk. I've been calling it March Madness :) It's like all of a sudden all the stuff I thought I was coping OK with (team being gone, deaths, work, health)suddenly got too big and had a rebound effect and the last two weeks I've been a bit lost and self care is down and eating has been inconsistent.

At first I thought ED voices coming back were a sign that I'm failing but now I'm thinking maybe it's just the Universe trying to tell me that I'm overwhelmed and I need to slow down and pay attention to what my body needs.

I didn't mean to write all about me so back to you. Stay strong and keep swimming! Hugs.
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #539

Awww Kym, it's incredible how the little things build isn't it?
I've felt a bit lower than usual for a few days and couldn't quite figure out why, until this afternoon, when I realised that it was just the combination of so many smaller things all coming at the same time

It makes perfect sense what your couples counsellor raised about terminating with your T - I know we all take things differently, but it is a big thing for anyone to handle.

I know when I almost terminated the first time around, I behaved in a not dissimilar way, and then one day a particular song came on the radio and I cried like a baby, but at that time I still wasn't sure what it was I was crying about, I questioned whether the fact I'd been thinking about therapy a little earlier might be a contributing factor, but didn't think so - it was only when I mentioned it to my therapist, and she mentioned grieving and that it was natural that I would grieve our relationship coming to an end, that I questioned "is that really what it was about?...is that really what I'm doing?"

It's 4 months now since I parted company with my T, and what I find thesedays is that I don't particularly miss having her to talk to when things aren't going great, what I've found is that the therapeutic effect of our work has carried on going from strength to strength, I surprise myself at times (in a good way), and then I wish I could see her to say "look, look..I'm doing it" or thinking "if she could only see me now.."

Whatever you feel Kym, I hope you can find it and let yourself feel it fully.
Thinking of you!
S xx
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #540

Thanks Laura and Shh,

I didn't go to work today but I spent my morning at the Grotto. I figured that's one area of "support" I don't have to say good bye to. As I walked (and crying the labyrinth I was doubting my ability to keep myself self when all of a sudden a man walked out of the woods and started talking to me. He apparently had hiked the hill (there's an elevator but seems homeless sneak up there by not paying). He didn't threaten me but he started asking me questions about "walking around in circle" and was totally unaware of how inappropriate he was being. I told him I didn't want to talk to people right now and he left. I was a little shaken up, but it proved to right there on the spot that I can take care of myself. After some more time crying, I'm feeling a little better. At least the Ed voices are gone again. After lots of thinking I'm pretty sure my funk mood is grieving. I still believe I'm doing the right thing, but it doesn't make it easier to let my T go.

I spent this afternoon putting together a presentation board for a domestic violence training I and 3 others are putting together for staff (out Leadership Academy project). The board is like a huge scrapbook which I love doing, so it's been a fun (and still productive) afternoon. I have to remember that being arties is really healing for me.
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #541

Kym

The man sounds a bit creepy, but glad you dealt with him okay.

I'm glad you have been for a walk and a cry, it's good to know that you are processing stuff and letting it out.

I think it's probably grief too, and you are right, just because you need to grieve the ending of that relationship, doesn't in any way imply that it's not the right decision.

Go easy on yourself Kym, you have been with your T for a long time, and she has helped you to grow so much in that time, that it is undoubtedly a very special relationship - seems only right to allow it to have the importance it deserves and let yourself grieve accordingly.

I am thinking of you..
...in fact I think I'm going to get my little therapy transitional objects/mementoes out now and look at them (I've only looked at them once, about a month after I terminated, but I keep elements of them in my head)
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #542

I just got home from a NIA class and the instructor told me that it's very common to get into a funk after taking the White Belt class. Wow, with all these factors, I'm actually holding it together pretty darn good!

Self compassion seems to be the needed medicine!

PS Had a blast in my dance class for the first time in 2.5 weeks! Looking up!
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #543

Just wondering how you are doing Kym?

Sounds like the dance class gave you a little much needed lift, and I'm hoping that all these affirmations of why you are probably feeling a bit low, are helping you to be kind to yourself.

S xx
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #544

Thanks for asking Shh; I'm actually doing wonderful. I'm letting myself get teary eyed when I feel the need but reminding myself that I'm a strong person and I'm making good decisions. I requested the day after my T appointment just in case I need to head to the grotto for a good cry :)

Physically my energy is up again which is always helpful! Life is good!
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 8 months ago #545

Brilliant!

So pleased to hear you embracing those emotions and letting them help you do what you need to do - it's very heart-warmimg to read!

I can also remember feeling very uncertain about how I would be after my last session, sounds like you are doing a great job of taking care of yourself by making that provision in case you need that alone time at the grotto.

Thinking of you x
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Re: In a "Funk" 6 years 7 months ago #547

So our couple's counselor just told us last night that she will be moving back to California. She was hoping to stay here, but things didn't work out right. We have until June to see her. We didn't get that attached to her yet, but we really liked her style, the book she uses and her method. I started crying right away, but doing ok now. At least this time I'm not feeling a lose by myself because my partner is just as bummed. We're going to see her as much as we can until she goes and then revisit what we want to do. Totally sucks!
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