Build Self-Esteem: 13 tips


Vom_Winde_verweht2C_Margret_Hofheinz-DC3B6ring2C_C396l2C_19752C_WVC2B7Nr.588429Here are thirteen (thirteen being a break the mold number) activities to help you build your self-esteem.

When we value ourselves we treat ourselves well. We respect ourselves and our needs. We expect respect from others.


When we don't value ourselves we can accept terrible conditions as part of what we consider our normal lives.  Low self-esteem contributes to the development and maintenance of an eating disorder and eating disorder thinking. 

1.          Build self-esteem:  Find ways to encourage

             yourself to try again.

2.          Build self-esteem:  Visit a garden, preferably your

             own, where you can pick flowers with a friend.


3.          Build self-esteem:  Discipline yourself to honor boundaries with firmness but not anger.

4.          Build self-esteem:  Don’t mock yourself or accept the teasing of others.

5.         Build self-esteem:  Celebrate your successes, large and tiny and all in between.

6.         Build self-esteem:  Establish routines that support the life you truly want to live.
* see below


Keep exploring and experimenting with these activities.  You can become dependent and vulnerable to exploiting people if they seem to value you more than you do yourself. You can become demanding of others, wanting them to give you praise, opportunities and gifts to make us feel better about ourselves.  We can become disheartened or jealous when others seem to get a high quality of attention that eludes us.

7.         Build self-esteem:  Establish routines that support the goals you want to achieve.

8.         Build self-esteem:  Establish routines that support the tasks you want to complete.

9.         Build self-esteem:  Free yourself of the need to like and do what others expect. Discover
            your authentic life and live it.

10.        Build self-esteem:  Never say never.

11.        Build self-esteem:  Read your favorite books and short stories again.

12.        Build self-esteem:  Watch baby birds hatch or baby mammals being born.

Boosting yourself your self-esteem may be a challenge to you.  It may take courage. You may risk disrupting entrenched patterns.


the benefits are vast and you will discover new sources of delight as you proceed.


Saving the best for last, here's break the mold thirteen.


13.        Build self-esteem:   Make it a point to do something lovely and nice for yourself every morning and just before you go to sleep every night.


Let me know how you do. 

  1. Which ones are easy for you? 
  2. Which are particularly challenging? 
  3. Which surprise you because you didn't think they had anything to do with self-esteem?

More building self-esteem tips


* This photo is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

Attribution: Margret Hofheinz-Döring / Galerie Brigitte Mauch Göppingen

Also: don't miss this enchanting video to delight your heart.


Ilissa Banahzl, MFT
0 # Great tips! oops, typo, thought you mighIlissa Banahzl, MFT 2012-05-17 15:45
Great tips! oops, typo, thought you might want to fix. Keep exploring and eperimenting with these activities. Ilissa Banhazl, MFT Glendora
0 # Thank you for catching the typo and lettpinkjoanna 2012-05-17 16:48
Thank you for catching the typo and letting me know, Ilissa. I greatly appreciate your help.
0 # I am really enjoying my herb garden. I amylifex2 2012-05-17 19:50
I am really enjoying my herb garden. I also have planted other flowers and plants. My 4 year old enjoys watering the plants and I enjoy watching her find pride in accomplishing this "chore" and helping mommy with something important. The way this improves my self-esteem is in the way I have allowed myself the freedom to relax more. I hope that makes sense. I deserve to have places and hobbies that relax me.
I am wroking on honoring boundaries. I feel that I am doing this more and better with my family. This one also goes along with freeing myself of the need to do what others want and expect.
Establishing routine is more challenging for me. However, not beating my self up for setbacks is something new for me and is something I am improving on daily.
0 # Knowing you are building self-esteem andpinkjoanna 2012-05-18 14:03
Knowing you are building self-esteem and reservoirs of joy in your child builds your own self-esteem. What a happy combo!
0 # Yes, and I am noticing that by giving mymylifex2 2012-05-18 16:44
Yes, and I am noticing that by giving my daughter this "chore" she is learning discipline and is learning to care for something. This brings her joy, keeps her mind and body busy, and lowers her anxiety. As she has a lot of special needs, it means a lot to me when she is calm and relaxed. This is a wonderful form of therapy I have found relaxing for the both of us. It's a win-win. Or, a happy combo as you called it :-)
0 # I honoured my boundaries and myself as ashh 2012-05-22 16:51
I honoured my boundaries and myself as a human deserving of love and respect, but kicking my husband out the other night, for what will be the 2nd and final time.

Things are amicable, as he says if I had treated him, they way he has treated me, that he would've thrown me out a long time ago, and so he respects my decision, and is sorry for what he has put me through.
0 # sounds like you mean it if you did twicemylifex2 2012-05-22 18:29
sounds like you mean it if you did twice :-) so I think you know what you wanted in this situation. This has been a long, hard road for you. I am sure there are many more things to be dealt with and decided upon, but for now, it sounds like you reached some decisions that have brought you into the realm of self-care. Perhaps you will breath a little easier now, be more present for yourself and your children.
0 # Different reasons Tracy...the first timeshh 2012-05-23 01:37
Different reasons Tracy...the first time was his temper, and he did have lots of therapy and has done quite a good job of dealing with that, and earned his way back.

This time around it's more complicated, and it's not that I don't love him and wouldn't have him back, or that he's not sorry - but too many things now - too many times he has let me down or broken my trust, so I don't really have a lot of choice, other than accept that he can't respect boundaries, and as he said himself, he would like to try to make everything okay, but he acknowledges that he seems completely unable to respect boundaries, and a lot of the time it's not even on a conscious level, he doesn't do it inevitably it will happen again.

I have to do it because I need to look after myself and the girls.

I'm not in a very good state emotionally this morning...but I still know it's the right thing to do.

If he wasn't such a nice person it would be easier, but I'm glad he's a nice person because it means we can keep things amicable and good for the girls.

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