Book Progress: Boundaries and Secrets

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Category: Self-Help

More now on my copy editing saga for Healing Your Hungry Heart, my self help eating disorder recovery book.  Now I'm working on the edits for the chapter on secrets.

Every page is a challenge! As I get into the comments from my brilliant editor I discover that I've been holding back in my writing because of my conditioning as a psychotherapist.  Good grief.  I'm writing about how, when you have an eating disorder, you accumulate the terrible burden of secrets. Moreover, I'm writing about how those secrets reinforce fear and shame that underlie an eating disorder.

This is important material.  But I am not giving away confidential information about anyone.  I'm not breaking any confidences. I think I'm so attentive to the boundaries of my professional work that they spread over to my writing where they don't apply.

Once again, this book writing adventure parallels eating disorder recovery.  When I recognize the necessary boundaries I need to honor and free myself from restrictive boundaries I don't need to honor, my writing takes off again. 

My creativity opens up and what were baffling problems melt away.

Have you been living and working within restrictive boundaries?  Are you keeping secrets that limit your life? Coming to grips with unnecessary boundaries and debilitating secrets is essential in eating disorder recovery (and writing books).

Please share your thoughts and experiences.

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0 # I hit my rock bottom, I surrendered and — KymL 2011-03-08 22:11

I hit my rock bottom, I surrendered and opened up with what I thought were all my secrets but I think my eating disorder behaviors were so "normal" to me that it wasn't until I got some recovery under my belt that I became able to see them for what they were. I did however hold onto one secret which I revealed just 3 months ago.....I truely believe I held onto the secret and the behavior as a way to hold onto the ED. I'm still not sure why I felt the need to do that: holding onto the ED identity? Fear of losing all the help I was getting? Fear of what life would be like without ED? Could be some or all of those. Once I told my last secret I felt very vulnerable but "lighter." Also, once I spoke of the behavior, it was much easier to give it up.

As far as limiting boundaries, I have recently started working on some compulsive limits I have on myself. Some of them seem very strange when I think about them and I do have to admit I haven't talked to my therapist about them because they aren't risky and.....OK, I'll admit it, embarrassing. But as you mentioned, releasing them could free me up for more productive/creative things. Guess I have another "project."

0 # Oh, I figured out my secret. DUH!!! I — PTC 2011-03-10 05:30

Oh, I figured out my secret. DUH!!! I keep it a secret that I have an eating disorder. How did I miss that one? It's like I live a double life. The ED life and then my life that everyone else sees.

0 # I made a major discovery about myself th — shh 2011-03-10 12:11

I made a major discovery about myself this weekend - I had set boundaries within my ED that allowed me to deny to myself that I had an ED or at least the extent of my ED.

I binged and I wanted to purge, but I never allowed myself to purge, because that would've made me bulimic, but without the purging I could kid myself that I was just fat & rubbish at dieting.

I restricted, but imposed a minimum limit of 700-800 cals a day, and on days when I realised I'd only had abot 400 cals I'd force myself to eat a bar of chocolate before I went to bed to get it up to the 700 cals....because 700-800 cals was a "strict diet", but 400 cals meant I had food issues

And when I wanted to self harm, I'd bite myself, because the marks would fade pretty quickly and leave no scars, so I could pretend it never happened, and therefore I didn't have a problem.

Having realised that, I now realise the true extent of things and have had to accept that I'm more "affected" by my past than I ever thought I was.

It's been a highly emotional time, but now that I acknowledge and accept it, my tears and anguish have given way to a new sense of calm & optimism, and I'm finally in a good place again.

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